It's hard to be little.

I have so much to blog about. Like Halloween or Brent's parents being here and the fun we had. Or how we are all sick(okay just me, Ayla and Elsie) with either H1N1 or bronchitis. Or the cute thing Sienna said the other day when I asked her if she could have one wish what it would be and how she responded without hesitation that she would want to be with me, Brent, Hunter, Ayla and Elsie and Buoy for ever and ever and that none of us would die and how it opened up a wonderful moment to talk about our Savior and how lucky we are to have that wish come true if we live righteously.

But what I really want to talk about is how hard I think life is when you are little. And how hard that makes life on us that our raising these little ones. Hunter told me today was going to be the worst day he has ever had. All because he had to go to school and wear his glasses and he was afraid that the kids in his class were going to make fun of him. It didn't matter what coaxing, conjoling, or yes, even bribing I did. He would not calm down. Could not. He just kept on about how ugly he looks in his glasses(which is so untrue) and how everyone would make fun of him. He said on Tuesday they were giggling at him when he put them on and though he couldn't tell me anything specific that they said to him about it he insisted that they teased him. What do you say to that?

I told him at least he would get to go to recess and play with his friends and then he started crying harder because apparently he had forgotten to bring home his homework which means that he has to miss both of his recesses(which I think is unfair, for the record). Well it doesn't get much worse than that, does it?

Yep it does. He couldn't find his shoes. Sienna was staring at him because well, he was making a big scene so he ran into her, yelling and knocking her clean on her bum. She put on a brave face even though she was crying. They then missed the bus. Did I mention I am sick. yep. So I then had to take them to school. In my pajamas. Hunter's socks won't stay on with the new school shoes he has only worn a handful of times so as I try to find him some long ones instead of ankle ones but since it is so hard to be little, none of them will do. They have holes. Well okay maybe not holes but when you pull them a little you can see the strings. That is not acceptable in Hunter's world. I get in the car with Sienna and tell Hunter I am leaving in 1 minute. It is 7:55. The first bell is ringing over at the school and we are still in the garage. Poor Sienna is asking quietly if she is going to be late. We have been at it for 55 minutes. Hunter comes huffing and puffing into the car. Crying and worrying about his eyes being red and saying things like, "If you could come and stay at school then you would see how I feel and why I don't want to wear them. You don't understand." Funny seeing as I had to wear big pink, plastic frames that didn't fit my face when I was in grade school. And I had a bad perm. Every year. So, yes. My heart goes out to my little guy, but what do I do? I lecture him about how he can choose if it is a good day or a bad day and how his parents and Heavenly Father care more about his choices, his personality, his attitude, than his looks, and good friends would too. I don't think he got it. What nine year old would when they are worried about going to school and having everyone laugh at them. Even if it isn't true, it is his reality.

We got to school and Sienna quietly got out, said I love you in sign language as she bravely walked to the office to get her tardy slip. Backpack bouncing against her little frame the whole way up the sidewalk. Hunter wouldn't get out of the car. 8:07. I tell him I am leaving at 8:09 and he has two minutes to pull himself together and go in. He says he isn't and he doesn't care what consequence I or Dad gives him. He will go tomorrow but not today. I try to convince him that it will be better to get it over with today so tomorrow can be better but he says no. I tell him if he comes home then he has to do chores for me the entire day and 2 chores for Sienna since he made her late and he pushed her down. Okay he says. He is also grounded from friends. Okay he says. Okay. So we go home.

He cleaned and organized his whole room. He practiced the piano. He put Ayla's baba in the dryer for her. He did his laundry. He did the dishes. He made ramen for the kids for dinner. He fed Buoy. He cleaned the playroom. He watched Elsie. He took it when Dad got home and found out that he hadn't gone to school and said he was grounded the whole weekend. He didn't complain. He told me sorry. He told me he loves me.

I hope I never forget how hard it is to be little. So that I can have empathy for him. For all of them. It is so hard. The world looks so big. So daunting. So out of our control. And for one like Hunter that likes, no needs, to have control, that is scary. I feel badly that he is scared. I want to take it away and face his demons for him. But I can't. What I can do is give him one more day. One more day to get the courage to face those demons tomorrow. And I hope he does, and realizes how strong he really is. I love you, too, HJ.