Unforeseen Realities

When you are young and thinking about married life and what it will be like there are things you just don't think about. Things that you could not possibly foresee.

Now I admit that I had a bunch of warning signs. Perhaps the first was when I met Brent and climbed into his truck for the first time and heard the shotgun shells rattling around on the floor and 2nd was his reaction to me knowing what they were and being excited about shooting. The difference was that in my head I was thinking about shooting CLAY pigeons and he was thinking about shooting actual pigeons(okay lets be honest, he was thinking about shooting pretty much anything that was legal to shoot at).

Well, love is blind. At least, I think it is for both of us. He says I tricked him into thinking that I was all for it and I believe that he tricked me into thinking that he was not all for it. So even though I had those early warning signs and years of marriage after that to prepare me for the day when I would think to myself, "How did I get here to this point in my life where I would have this lying on my kitchen counter for days, staring at me every time I came into the kitchen? Me of all people. Me. The one that threw up when my dad made me eat a steak. The one that threw up when an old boyfriend even mentioned that he had a dead dear in his jeep? Me the one that wouldn't eat hamburgers or red meat?"

As I said. There just are things that you don't think about when you are young and in love and dreaming of a family. You don't think of the times when your child will get the chicken pox, or when the doctor tells you another needs physical therapy because she isn't walking at 20 months, or when you have to choose providing for your family and a stable income over living near the rest of your family, or when your husband brings a buffalo skull into the kitchen and uses your purple superglue on it, sets it next to the Tinkerbell cup and then leaves it there for a day and half not even thinking that you may not want it there.

But the most surprising thing to me about all of this is that it is not that surprising. Life is a conditioning state. Living with Brent for the last 10 years and all of those little warning signs have worn down my aversion to the thought of seeing a dead animal and I have become more accustomed to it. The same goes for parenthood. We are conditioned, prepared and shaped into being ready to tackle the hurdles that may lie ahead. And even though I may have not foreseen what has now become my reality, I wouldn't change it. Oh, of course there are things I might change. Perhaps the buffalo skull would have been better off in the garage where it belonged until we could give it to my dad(it's rightful owner, I only wanted the hormone free, low fat meat). Perhaps we could have gone without the chicken pox or the worry over whether Elsie is going to be all right or not. Perhaps, I would prefer to be in Utah. But then again, perhaps not. I got to laugh with Brent over the skull, I got to cuddle Ayla in my arms and help her feel better just as my mother did when I had the chicken pox. I have gotten to keep Elsie as a baby just a bit longer than the rest of my kids and hold and carry her little self wherever I go, and because of that, I love her and she loves me all the more. I have gotten to rely on my husband and truly give myself to him through our journey together through life and the different states and I have learned so much being away from Utah. I may not have seen it coming, I may not have planned it, I am not always happy with it, but I wouldn't change it either.